Disproving the carrot sticks and rice cakes myth

I'm a recipe cook, not a "make it up as I go" kind of cook, and I think that following a recipe gives me a weird sense of pleasure (especially when the meal comes out as planned instead of a burning, smelly hunk of yuck).  There is something about putting together a series of pre-measured ingredients to make a finished product that speaks to the control freak/planner/organizer in me.   I love measuring cups, measuring spoons...all little pieces of the puzzle that if I use them right, I'll almost always get something I'm happy with.  A recipe is like a road map to culinary happiness and I love maps.  And plans. 

Given my weight loss journey over the years as I described in The emotional side of weight loss,  I've come to love the process of cooking healthy and seeking out new recipes that help me do that.   I love the ability to make something that tastes "bad for you", but really isn't.  I love the look of surprise on J's face when I tell him that the very thing he's eating (and enjoying) comes from a WW recipe.  I love being able to eat good food and still achieve my goals (further disproving the age old adage that weight loss is about carrot sticks and rice cakes).  And I love to research things.  When I first started cooking, the Internet was still in it's "infancy" stages (okay, maybe it was a toddler b/c I'm not "that old" contrary to S's belief) and the resources for cooking healthy were few and far between.  Today, it's a veritable wonderland of resources and I've made some of my best meals from recipes found on sites/blogs.  But, while some foods have been winners, some have been "not well received in my house" (which I think is a kinder, gentler way of saying "losers"), here are just a few of the sites where I've gotten inspiration:

Weight watchers friendly sites:
aimeesadventures
halfmysize
skinnytaste

The creative people on these blogs/sites make it easier for us "non-creative cooks" to prepare and enjoy great tasting food and I thank them!

And one site that must be mentioned even though it's not a WW site.  The recipes on here are just too good not to mention it.  Plus, it uses a slow cooker which is my favorite way to cook because it means I'm not scrambling at 6pm with cranky kids to get food on the table.    http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/  I've found that many of the recipes can be modified to make them WW friendly, so that gets a thumbs up from me. :-)

The emotional side of weight loss

First the good news: since I had M in 2006, I've lost about 40 pounds.  Some of that came off easily, some I really had to fight for.  The "bad" news: the last 10-15 are a big fight and that's where I find myself now.

Weight loss has been a major part of my life for as long as I can remember.  It's played a big part in my happiness/unhappiness throughout and it continues to be a measurement of how I feel about myself.   I'm working against some pretty dominant genes, but I also know that I haven't always made the best choices for myself and while I'm on the right path (again), I often get annoyed with myself that I wasn't paying attention and let it get this far.

When J and I started dating, I was in pretty good shape.  But, as it often goes, I put on a lot of weight the longer we were together (more eating out, more watching movies on the couch etc).  When we got engaged in May of 2001, I knew I had to do something so I would be at my "best" for my wedding day.  So, I joined WW the first time and with the support of my best friend R, lost almost 30 pounds and was in the best shape of my life.  It seemed easier then...my life was totally predictable, I wasn't cooking for anyone but myself and I had a BIG goal...fit into the overpriced (but beautiful) dress.   And I did and I LOVED the way I felt.  Confident, attractive...like every bride wants to feel. 

Then, May of 2003 hits and I have to take a medical leave from work and my life got totally unpredictable.  Adding to the stress was the limbo state we found ourselves in terms of where we were going to live.  For about 2 months, we weren't sure if we were a. staying in MA, b. moving to Kentucky or c. moving to Germany.  When the decision was made to move to Kentucky, it took the stress off but not the weight that I had gained.  In 2004, I got pregnant with S and it's been a roller coaster ever since. 

But, now, with the help of friends also doing WW and my new found love of running, I have begun anew and am pleased with the results so far.   It's definitely harder now..life is slightly less predictable and I'm cooking for three other people, but I feel more in control and able to make choices.  I have a great support system of people that I can simply bitch to if I'm hungry and have no more food to eat that day.   I have the support of my husband who not only applauds the running, but is happy that I am taking active strides to NOT turn out like my mom has in terms of her health (which is poor, very poor).   It's helping our marriage, it's helping my health and best of all, it's helping my mental state.  It's showing my girls that a healthy body is a priority. 

Getting back to "wedding weight" (although maybe not wedding body since I have had two kids and things have "moved" :-)) is both a physical and mental goal for me.   I have friends who say "You look great" or "I can't see that you have to lose weight" and while I am grateful for their compliments, I know that it's all about self-perception.  I NEED to get to a place where I can look in the mirror and not see those 40 pounds-which I still do even though they aren't there.  I need to get back to a place where I feel confident in my appearance and comfortable in all of my clothes.  I need to get back to a place where I can look at someone with my version of an "ideal" body and feel like I've finally made it. 

Losing the weight is "easy".  It's the mind games that will get you every time.